Wednesday, August 25, 2010

baby blues

So we are doing our pediatric and maternity unit this term. I love the content and I am excited to learn more and wish that we were doing a real clinical with it. The problem? Josh and I are waiting until after I am done with nursing school to pull the goalie and try for a baby. I am been wanting this for over two years, and I know in my head that waiting until school is complete is the wise thing to do, but my heart aches. I will be 29 when I finish school and I never thought I would wait until that age to have children. How do I explain the pain of missing a child that has yet to exist? I often have dreams of being pregnant or of holding a child, and cry upon waking to know that it isn't real. The sight of a newborn's face brings both a giggle of joy in my stomach, and an ache so piercing in my heart that it is difficult not to cry. I don't know where else to share these feelings. Everyone says that I am making the smart decision, and I KNOW! That doesn't help the pain! To add to my agony, I wonder more and more if I am doing the easy thing, and taking the path that pleases man. Is this what God would truly desire? He designed my body to carry children, and the 20s are the most physiologically correct time to do so. On some other level, am I being self centered to wait until it is convenient? And on that note, when ARE children convenient? Sometimes I actually feel guilty, and every month that I take pills; pills with negative side effects and can actually do me harm; I feel more and more that we are messing up. Oh my Lord! Give me the patience to do the right thing!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

remember me?

I had sorta forgotten about this, almost. My last post had to do with orientation to a program that is now flying by. I am about to start my 3rd semester, and I am excited that we get to do maternal and child nursing.

I love my cat. He chases bubbles. He loves the ring from the mild jug. My aunt recently had a post of a friend's cat that hoarded rolled up plastic bags under the coach. I wonder where baxter has been hiding all those milk rings?