Wednesday, August 25, 2010

baby blues

So we are doing our pediatric and maternity unit this term. I love the content and I am excited to learn more and wish that we were doing a real clinical with it. The problem? Josh and I are waiting until after I am done with nursing school to pull the goalie and try for a baby. I am been wanting this for over two years, and I know in my head that waiting until school is complete is the wise thing to do, but my heart aches. I will be 29 when I finish school and I never thought I would wait until that age to have children. How do I explain the pain of missing a child that has yet to exist? I often have dreams of being pregnant or of holding a child, and cry upon waking to know that it isn't real. The sight of a newborn's face brings both a giggle of joy in my stomach, and an ache so piercing in my heart that it is difficult not to cry. I don't know where else to share these feelings. Everyone says that I am making the smart decision, and I KNOW! That doesn't help the pain! To add to my agony, I wonder more and more if I am doing the easy thing, and taking the path that pleases man. Is this what God would truly desire? He designed my body to carry children, and the 20s are the most physiologically correct time to do so. On some other level, am I being self centered to wait until it is convenient? And on that note, when ARE children convenient? Sometimes I actually feel guilty, and every month that I take pills; pills with negative side effects and can actually do me harm; I feel more and more that we are messing up. Oh my Lord! Give me the patience to do the right thing!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

remember me?

I had sorta forgotten about this, almost. My last post had to do with orientation to a program that is now flying by. I am about to start my 3rd semester, and I am excited that we get to do maternal and child nursing.

I love my cat. He chases bubbles. He loves the ring from the mild jug. My aunt recently had a post of a friend's cat that hoarded rolled up plastic bags under the coach. I wonder where baxter has been hiding all those milk rings?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Orientation and mono

So I made it to nursing school orientation on Friday. The parts that stick out most is that I was assigned the lab time and the clinical hospital that I wanted; and I learned all the various ways that I can be kicked out of the program. They fed us some juice and granola bars, since we must be healthy people going in to health care. As I looked around at my cohort, I noticed that there are a few who are morbidly obese, and when we had a break at least a third went out to puff on cancer sticks. Yup. Good, healthy people.

I will be at a true nursing home for clinicals on Mondays and Tuesdays from 7 freaking early am to 1:30. Wednesday through Friday I will have classes from 9 till noon, and on Thursdays a skills lab till 2:30 too. Not too shabby. Planning to work a couple shifts a week at the assisted living home. It has grown on me.

I have been battling a sore throat and fatige for six days now. Think I have mono. That would be like me. The rest of the world is busy worrying about pig flu and I go get mono. I already had it too. Apparently it is a lovely little virus that likes to hide in your system and make an appearance to check how things have been in its absence from time to time.

Thinking about getting a tattoo. Opinions?

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


So I crashed the computer lab at the local community college to get online and catch up on 7 months of internet fasting. Whoohooo!

Life is good and not much changed since my last post last MAY! Doing my time at the assisted living. The ladies are much the same. They still squabble over who drew a card or not in thier Kings on the Corner games and demand soy sauce for their chicken florentine. I have had some resident changes that have occured. Some have gone home to live with family members, some with God. I learned that I can handle resident deaths well, but I think it will be different depending on the resident. I know you aren't supposed to play favorites, but it must be human nature. They were all ready to go, and though there is grief for the family, there is peace in living to 94, saying goodbye and going home to the Lord, never to suffer again.

On a lighter note, school starts for me in January. I am getting psyched to move forward. I have orientation on Friday, so I will have more to say with what will happen after that. I know that I will have clinicals two days a week, which means I will be paying the school to be allowed to work at a nursing home... oh well. If this gets me closer to being a midwife, so be it. For now I am frantically working out my school loans and grant. I should be recieving grant money from the state that will pay for half of school since nursing is in high demand. As of august, I was in, but I get nervous with months passing and no communication.

I adore my cat. I weighed him this morning and he has hit 8 pounds! Since he was a stray baby, I had to guess his birthday, and affectionatly placed him on April 1st, since I still feel like it is some sort of prank that I ever got him. I guess that makes him about 7 to 8 months old. He has now had all his baby shots, is fixed, and (I'm not thrilled, but) declawed.(appartment rules). I find it ironic that my cat is an anxious little guy.(I have anxiety issues, and God has a sense of humor.) I think he doesn't like my ever changing schedule and not knowing when I will be home with him, so he has decided that I may not be more than 3 feet from him when I am home and he constantly talks to me. I love it.

Friday, May 29, 2009


Pigs are flying. Or swine flu came to town. Something like that. I now own a cat.

He is an adorable, 8 week old kitten. He cries a lot. He can't resist a laser light (I like making it dissapear under a door and watch him hunker down to wait for it to come back out to play.) I have trouble walking through the appartment because he feels he needs to keep up with me. When I load the dishwasher, he helps by climbing in. When i open the cabinet he needs to inspect it for treats. He likes following the curser as I type on the TV and pounces on my phone when I text. He is currently munching a tortilla my husband tossed him, or rather gagging on it. (don't turn me in to PETA, he's fine). Life is good.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

more from age four

My mom, sister, 4 year old nephew and nearly 3 year old niece just left from visiting us this weekend. Other than the little ones being too excited to sleep the first night, things went pretty well. We discovered they will not sleep in the same room together, my niece is too talkative and can't help chattering away with a captive audience. The kids loved the turtles and hamster, but I can't say the hamster felt the same way. I figured they would enjoy watching her run in the ball, which they did, however my niece lost her focus on the living thing within, and tried to play soccer with it. We also took them to the camp we worked at to see the animals and play on the playgrounds. I am loaded with two days worth of great kids' quotes

niece: what is in the field?
grandma: wheat or corn
niece: Wheater! That is wheater!

My nephew experienced a port-a-potty for the first time. He had some concerns.
nephew: how do I flush it?
mom: you don't. It stays down in the blue water until someone comes to clean it out.
nephew: what if somebody else poops in it?
mom: then it goes in the blue water too.

We took the kids to see the new colt at camp. It was busy swishing his tail to protect itself from the mosquitos,
niece: the horsey is waving at me with his butt!

Monday, April 20, 2009


I feel foggy. It is 1 am, I just got off work. Gave 2 showers, 3 nebulizer treatments, helped people pee half a dozen times, passed a gaggle of pills, and still did all the dinner dishes. I did't see my husband today either. His friend bought a jeep. He took the top off while it was gorgous last weekend. It rained today. He didn't know how to get the top back on. The only hour we would have had today together my husband spent taking his friend to the jeep dealer for lessons on how to put the top back on. Yeah. That was my day.